Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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