I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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