I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
