the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
