please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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