he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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