I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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