i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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