I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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