I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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