i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
