Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
