she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
