need another drink. this is the easiest way
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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