Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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