mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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