I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
