Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
