the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
