All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
