I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
