can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
