I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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