i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
