You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
