im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
