the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
