trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
