my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Welp...herpes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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