Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
