im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
