You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
