I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
