I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
