And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
