I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i need some magic done to my vagina
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
