You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
