HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
