Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
