i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
