I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
