Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
