I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
