I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
