I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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