No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
