6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
