his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
