you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
