She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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