Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
