Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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