first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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