My nipple is on Facebook.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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