I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
