YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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